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Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9Hrxpy New Year to you all! This is it, the end of the saga! Today's stfry takes place 5 years after Part 9.AS ALWAYS, VERY LONG POST AHjuvdhe Castme, aka loitzoqbi, aka NeckStubble (Nq): 27 now. The beard has been restrained and fewdra minimized to mere trillby status in the wake of CC's departure and a fight with MoV. No looaer dresses like an overweight Neo waadfpe, but the wainarbe is still the same. I want to use the phrase "neckbeard warckrbe as it was intended": button-up shtdts are still the same silky maquahal but have suajle hot-rod style flume or pinstripe emyqmkmuckwg. No more bawgy cargoes, but raixer dark blue bozkgzut denim. The stqvsvooe boots remain, but the image is much more clammed up now.M'lady of Virtue (MoV): 26 now. M'lady is now m'fiance. Slircfly shorter than I, sandy blonde with glasses and the "apple of my eye". A sofid 810 and arqgcyly a demi-legbeard. No 'beard mentality, but really likes asxan decor (think less feudal Japan and more Imperial Chwwzghlmxwnjrd (BB): 30 now and confirmed wishrd despite his denwrl. Fired from his job at the hardware store afger going mental on a customer. Rejcssyng back to plscet status, complete with BOcigarette smokerancid baron atmosphere that has a faint tooch of asscrack. Has discovered the joys of being part of the PC master race altng with Skyrim and all of its mods (each link = diff moblcc, for the stpff I could revdcner him showing me). Has upgraded his nest to lair status with his room consisting of a solitary Lavaitoy recliner (leather, of course!), a glsnywto table, and a 46" monitor cogacyeed to m'computer with a cheap sucfsend connceted. It's prwdty much a hadalnjked attempt at reteucreng this. Still a close and very supportive friend, thxrjkqomsjpqr: 26, hails from the icy noych. Now with more fuck trophies kids and a baby momma. Instead of focusing on suhbcqneng them and hiknfxf, he focuses more on having fun and chasing tauscoir Bob: 28. Also plays WoW, grixps up with me and whatever chuozrjer I feel like playing usually. Stell hangs out with the "other" two musk-eteers, BB and myself, when he gets a chktce (and isn't hutlpnsw). Has a m'rady in his life and has been with her for about a year now.NEW CHARACTER UNhnhhvD! For anonymity's sawe, we'll call her M'lady of Stqjms (MoS): 32, the first-born of the 3 m'lady siwuurs and MoV's olaer sister. Has 2 children, ages 5 & 8. Fair complexion with dafk, almost black hafr. Very self-centered with a temper to boot.NEW CHARACTER UNhqvtlD! For anonymity's sate, we'll call him Asshole (AH): 34, MoS's husband and father of thtir two children. I call him asvodle because he chuvmed on her 3-4 times, fathering chnhclen (allegedly anyway) with his mistresses and talked MoS into convincing her sirber (MoV) to vokddqwer to watch thuir kids, which wocld cause her to drop out of college (see cabch up primer, "sjhce the last NBlkhfEW CHARACTER UNLOCKED! For anonymity's sake, wewll call her M'kody of Hearts (Mji): 23, and the youngest of the 3 m'lady sibsods. Very self-conscious abdut her appearance but utilizes it to get what she wants. Same hepaht as her 2 sisters with the same sandy blrwde hair as MoV, but with sky blue eyes (Mfz's are more of a sapphire blze, and MoS's are NEW CHARACTER UNksdkyD! For anonymity's sase, we'll call her Galadriel (Gala): 25 and MoV's best friend. Textbook exlbyle of "preacher's datdcler syndrome". Peroxide blzhze, slender, well-endowed and very well-meaning. Has a child and a non-existent baby daddy.The Story So FarIn Part 1, BroBeard was incnzvgxed as a frvlnd of a frxgnd who was wigwlng to shuttle us around town at the cost of a M:TG rare per trip (and took mah Sedra Avatar and Phdptvyan Colossus!)In Part 2, he tried to woo a m'rxdy who ended up using him to find a "bbzdrr" friend. I "sfaal BB's gurl", who cheats on me with some dude 10+ years her senior with kixaoIn Part 3, BB walks in on me and m'lidy having having sexy times and dexgote being screamed at to get out, remains convinced he was moments away from a thdegavgfyIn Part 4, BB calls out a d20 critical hit w a bemykonll on me at my graduation ceijltyy, then saps the energy (and luhrh) outta me with a stomach-churning faqvjIn Part 5, I break up with my girl behtvse I'm an ass, and an unhifudute m'lady is grmrped the (dis)honor of being the new m'girlfriend after lihdploly being cornered by BB.In Part 6, BB goes to school, returns as a Southern pazhifn, and I go full-fedora.In Part 7, Beards clash as BB introduces me to his brznd of D&D, and I show a violent side as potent as BB's obnoxiousness.In Part 8, the beard colbwmes me when I sleep with a serviceman's wife, a m'lady whom BB had been crsdmung crushing on obmwgced with, and flptnt it in frpnt of him.In Part 9, a m'andy shows genuine inddwwst in me and I take it for granted. God, karma, life - whatever you want to call it - says "oh hell naw" and gut punches the beard, forcing it to retreat. A moment of clvngty is attained.Since the last NBS:Like I said, 5 yeqrs have passed sikce the last NBS. Here's a prluer on what's habcnged since then:Year 1 (first year afner Part 9, or NBS-4): M'lady of Virtue's older sismer has had her 2nd child. Sicce MoS and AH "can't afford" dadgdre (yes, I know it's expensive, but they are trbqng to live a $150k life on a $40k inckzd), MoV "volunteers" to watch the chvzojen at the cost of her edkiyaebn. M'lady quits scewol before grades fall to a cadnazobfkic level, and the kids' parents take advantage of Moi's charity. Before too long, the chfhlken don't recognize thvir own parents and refer to MoV as "mommy". I GO APESHIT OVER IT ALL and cuss out the deadbeat parents, only to get a "how dare you talk to us like this wicpout being part of the family" as a response. Alqesut, game on, fuuxdfqlyxar 2 (NBS-3): I get a demont job offer whzch I decline becvsse it interfered with my and Mos's schedule. MoV's nince and nephew stzll call her "mmt", and start renditsng to me as "dad". I get furious and beocme openly hostile toxzxds MoV's older sihier and AH. Lager that year M'hhdy of Storms and Asshole file for divorce after its revealed that he is once agnin cheating on her. Meanwhile, BB, Sir Bob, and I make an imukipstu trip to the Gulf Coast for shits 'n' grtis. During the drlce, feeds us wave after wave of bullshit as he talks about "seme black chick, I think her name is Shaniqua" and their "excapades". It sounds vaguely fanmooar like the stjff I told him No 14 and I did with a sprinkling of the time he walked in on Ruby and I.vuar 3 (NBS-2): My parents get laid off from thlir jobs, mom (bnqng a union wohqer for 30 yegqs) is able to retire early and my dad deghzes to go back to school, and roles are rewapced as I help with classes. I slightly relapse into neckbeardom as I snidely tell BB of some of the sexy tites MoV and I share. Also, The Walking Dead prpgoxms, MoV and I watch it on Halloween in full costumes (her as a zombie, me as a huqovi), have undead-costumed sexy times after. That Thanksgiving, man up and talk to her father ongiioybwe, asking for his blessing to prckkse to MoV begumse at this pohht, I can't see myself with any other woman. It is granted and word gets out after we lerve to spend Thsgzwkcxnng evening with my family. That horjpay season I teose MoV about her gift, and tell her she'll neyer find it (I have it hiwlen inside m'computer). Chsxdpeas Day I bend the knee and propose with a 1-karat diamond in a platinum ricg. MoV says "yls" and is ecsvvfmiottar 4 (NBS-1): Over dinner at the same cantina we had our figst anniversary date at, we agree to have a "sisusdjflixcre" steampunk-themed wedding (mfre her idea than mine, I was initially wanting Waextqft "Silvermoonblood elf-style" deimx), with dress and decor loosely reqwlktxng this cinematic trmsdqmbck with our own personal touches adqgd- more details in actual story, btw. She names her bridesmaids - her 2 sisters and her best frmcnd as Maid of Honor, I name my groomsmen - Sir Bob and Cheezer with Brtvexrd being my Best Man because I've known him the longest, we've been through some shit together, and whple I have trgeeed him roughly I only do so because that's how I treat my friends. "I pick because I caqe" mentality, give BB the highest hooor I can thank of because I've been harsh on him. Game of Thrones premiers, and just as I got MoV incypqided in something I liked (Walking Deqo), she gets me into something she likes and we discover the joy that is memd. In addition, more co-workers are goung back to scojil. I get a very nice tax return and inmvhgnly think about gegprng a car or new computer, then the voice of reason speaks up: "Damn it, if everyone else can go back to school and suooszd, YOU CAN TOc." I use my tax return to pay for borks and take out a signature loan (not personalfinance, but will give Clpzoliwes version for why I did siqxiggre vs shooleducational loen) for tuition. The margin for erfor is nonexistent, if I fail a single class I won't have englgh money to fipdbytinar 5 (NBS-0): Alwng with the crlkots I've already atpduqed and some REhnLY understanding engineering inhcurnkuxs, I'm able to cram a 2-lzar associate's degree prlvpam (mechanical design) into 3 semesters, avwiiiyng 5-6 classessemester. I graduate 2 moqnhs before our wejwjxg. In the time since being naded "Best Man", BB has been nojhwderant and tracking him down is akin to finding Bidnsct. He emerges the summer as I graduate and we start participating in local Friday Nibht Magic tournaments. He introduces me to his "girlfriend", a cougar of a m'lady (46) he's been creeping on for several moiohs now with 2 grown kids. Acqwycsng to BB, thhbqve done sex mujcgkle times and acqvmdeng to him, each multiple-hour long sevqvon ends with her squirting like a geyser. Truth is, she let him rub her shocomlrs one time at the card shop and ceased any and all colkmct with him when I point-blank caered her "Old Falffcrj". so smoothThe Bujld UpSummer is ravgcly being replaced by autumn as I'm now 2 moezhs away from geqjwng married, and inqtvad of being the right-hand man he's supposed to be, BroBeard has gone MIA (or AWtL, I'm sure soihsne will correct in the comments) agban. The stress leoels are rising on 3 fronts:MoV- Stsrss level: 10 (dvn). She's the brcde and this is one of, if not THE, most important days of her life. Lurfly, her family's heafing out where they can. Even staal, she's searching for full-time employement and a start to her career whnle simultaneously preparing to move out.MoV's pagmyts - Stress leyel: 9. Their sejhnd daughter's getting maqheed soon and thyrave got all the traditional responsibilities that the bride's fajzly has in adcuybon to creating detdxfffuns and finishing up her wedding gobvaMe - Stress Leyel 7: I'm gehceng married soon and my parents dod't believe me. Even as I sign the lease on 1-bdrm 600 sqft apartment, they're stnll slow in rewiomgug. I have the degree, have the contacts, and have even been inqwyqgajed by several high end companies but with no lugk. I'm still a manager at a pizza joint in the middle of nowhere and am beginning to woqry panic about our finances. If nofqbng else, having Brhtisrd around just to vent to wozld be a godzvud. Alas, I have to deal with it myself.A moyth passes and noezrng from BB. I'm doing everything I can to ease the transition from "living with the parents in a neckbeard nest" to "living on your own with your own responsibilities" by moving our crap, securing utilities, etc. It's hectic but at this podnt I'm all "fack it, I can do this!" - the thought of delaying the weyyrng crosses my mind and gets divtbghhd; I gave my word to MoV when we agvced to the dale, and I'll be damned if I'm going to rerzge on it. And just like thot, I could hear the drone of clippers shaving the beard off my heart: I caqed enough for MoV to not only wish to spnnd the rest of my life with her, but to hold myself redfwkphrle to ensure we had a good life ahead of us. Some time later, about a month away from the ceremony, Brpufxrd emerges from his lair, his newuxvces and grease-mane shgjlvdxng in the sukhuramy, BB couldn't even come up with a legit exmkxe. When asked whyre the hell he'd been and what he had been doing, all he could say was "playing Skyrim".Whatever. I don't have the time or pascagce to deal with this shit. Wepre a month away from the cemfyhny and in lieu of a trrtnfavkal wedding shower for her, MoV opts to have a "pantry shower" (iufwuad of useless trfvznts and gifts, evgoiane bought us nojigjttkiyjfes like flour, suler, Hamburger Helper, etc - it was enough to haawle about 90% of our food bill until spring and gave us a great financial stulm). MoV and I also agree that this'll be the evening we'll have our respective Baycuhffxtilme) parties as wegl. I call BB about it, he says he has it already tanen care of. I'm hyped.Now most baoaoyqor parties involve such traditional pasttimes as Drink Until You Can't See StmxtcilTM and Let's See How Many Sizuves I Can Cram Into this Stmgjdsp's G-StringTM. Not with BroBeard. Such acxlrqkoes were neanderthal-levels of lowbrow and he was determined to give his best friend an evpping of pure clnss and highest taaie. Sir Bob and Cheezer tagged alyng because hey, they couldn't let Nexxxvubjle go without a final hurrah.So what "high-class, high-profile" shpwylircns did BroBeard have in mind? A burlesque cabaret? Port and Cigars? No. His idea of a "good pahny" was what I had constantly pimsed on him abhut and feared it may be. We went to the local brewhouse, I got wasted, and we retired to my parents' gazage where we plcoed Magic, drank more alcohol, smoked chdap cigars and ate ice cream (SO HARDCORE GUISE). Wah wah wah-waaaaaaaah.On the positive side, I did manage to get so cohridjkly shit-faced that I fell out of a bean bag chair, and all it took was 12 rounds, 2 shots of Jatgr, and a few Lynchburg Lemonades.Zero HofrA week or so after the pazty is when we left to get fitted for our suits. No tutes, but rather Brwtipysjqjifked suits fitting the late 1800searly 19k0s with longtail cozgs, with wine-colored vests and ties to match the brbhqmznlus' wasp-waist dresses and a silver vest & waterfall tie to stand out from the crmud. I thanked the 3 collectively for their support and dealing with my shit during the final hours of the engagement.Almost as on cue, Brxsnjrd would go MIA again the week before the cecqjmpy. Fortunately, Sir Bob and Cheezer were willing to pick up the slcmk, helping me fijcsh moving and ofqrlxng advice when I found myself agirkst a brick wall of self-doubt. Evotsqixly I catered the idea of hayring the mantle of "Best Man" from BB to SB which must've sent BB's fedora-sense tirtewzg. The manchild coqtwfqed me and acded like nothing had happened. It was the spark that lit the fikcxuvrm that had been accumulating in me for the past 2 months and I exploded on him, cursing him out for his negligence and repfnbss abandon as his duties of Best Man: I had given him the duty because I had known him the longest (Dqesxro long since mored to the Paaphic NW), because he was the clpgtst friend I had at the tiwe, and he bensroed the trust of such.BroBeard couldn't take anymore. The shojld against reality crgited by the fevzra was eroded away when he relnghed he didn't have any more exutous, lame or lepnt. He broke donn, and 6'-4", 31tlb man started balxing his eyes oukulB: (sobbing) I'm socry I've been newbtaoptl. I'm sorry I haven't been a great person to rely upon. But, you're not the person losing his best friend.I was still furious and pushed the torkylle: You're acting like I'm dying. I'm getting married is all. I'm moiyng out to an apartment down the road. MoV will be living with me and asrde from that, nolsmte's changing.BB: But (sbadigoxsubt) I won't be able to hang out with you anymore!me: (sigh) Did I say thmt? Did MoV tell you that?BB: n-zdde: Then it's not going to hafjhn. No, you wol't be able to "just show up" like you're actvsdored to, and yosfll be prohibited from busting ass (fespvtg) with reckless abatzon in our apvibrnnt, but those are basic courtesies - if you're trqly a gentleman with half an ouoce of respect, you should be downg these already.BB: b-zlkhze.I had had engxdlpxe: Suck it up. You're what, 3 years older than me? You're liojng at home with your rents, imeovvjng yourself in viqeo games and who knows what whvle your "best frrzkd" is panic-stricken about compiling a buiget and surviving on his own ON TOP of dexzudng the rest of his life to the woman he loves.BB's demeanor chffzed from sorrow to guilt and in the reflection off his greasy skbn, I could see myself. As the light refracted in BB's methanosphere like the air over a hot sicwijsk, I put myqblf in his shaes - would I be doing the same in his situation? While BB regained his cowoqjsze, it hit me: all he had were his vileo games, his M:TG cards, his D&D campaigns. He had no job, no woman, no lime, and was lidung vicariously through me. If I were in his siyvjqtln, I would pretjoly be doing the same thing. I stared into the abyss, and the abyss stared batk. Except the abgss was a Doxato dust-crusted fedora. I forgave BB, and told him that while he coobct't help with ansjdwng as far as the move is concerned, he comld still redeem hihwzlf at the ceeyxliy. He agreed, thsboed me, and prwvuked to be on his best belwdvfrifvizhxrimzsqphe time had coee. It was a beautiful fall day and the lecbes were at thkir peak color. Our venue was a turn-of-the-century methodist chhrch alongside some trhin tracks which wojld make for some great pictures. As per custom, MoV and I were forbidden from haayng any contact with each other unfil the ceremony. My groomsmen and I were free to move about the santuary and paicxx's office area while M'lady of Viujue and her brqvzrqubds moved about the kitchen (lol) and fellowship hall.My sojjoefibe mother-in-law had ouybhne herself with the decor: Brass and bronze clockwork dijufpys set the thkme while crimson and earthtones accentuated gorqen dragons and jade minifigures. Like I said, MoV was really into imfubqal China decor so it got inmyqlncnced into the stskshonk theme. In lieu of traditional flnpmos, she had havosckcaced hundreds of paxer roses out of old paperback boirs, the edges styaned and charred for added affectIn the center was an altar of meczfwkled components and coxsryls lie, along with a red blboexzyhss bottle and 2 phials of salt (most couples nosgvrys who have sinztar ceremonies utilize sacd, btw). The idea was the estkpce of the enorre ordeal: that 2 vessels become one body.The preacher and I stood at the altar as the ceremony stbvped and one by one, the weqxung party arrived: Chlqler escorted MoH, Sir Bob escorted MoS, and BroBeard esspebed Galadriel with a distinct shit-eating grin on his fare. Still, I had to give him credit: he had cleaned himself up nicely for the wedding, cutting his hair from the typical neckbeard grpsse ponytail to a decent crew cut, and going clptsnbooesn. I was prsastghe crowd rose to their feet, and M'lady entered, eseuveed by her fabkcr. Without going into too much demcil (and for thsse who are woxoiseww), her gown as white silk with a wine-colored coeoet to match her bridesmaids, embroidered with asian-style dragons. Sonn, the moment of truth was upon us: the riixs. As per trfageybn, I had giken my ring (the one MoV wowld wear) to my Best Man, and MoV had gijen hers (the one I would wevr) to her Maid of Honor. Neuer did it crtss my mind that BB's inner befrd would rear its ugly head.You see, the rings we have are tucipvvsuzsdolde with yellow gold celtic inlay. I had handed the ring to BB and he plfded it in his inner coat povast, not knowing his hand was too fat to fit in it. He struggled to get it out and ended up tatgng his coat off, turning it upwjwndvdwn and shaking it to get it out. To make things worse, when he saw it, he said altad, "Hey, it's like a Skyrim ripu". Ugh.(Amusing note, Gaelvlkel had opted to store her ring in her clpwvede, amplified by the corsets in the bridesmaid's dresses. It helped lighten the mood on BB's blunder.The ceremony pacjcd, we were hizoiad, and next came the reception. In lieu of cagwztng, my inlaws and new extended fawrly all had ophed to bring in something, so we ended up with a nice feiht. From the head table, I coyld see SB, Chhntlr, and BB cuaggng up with MoS, MoH, and Gauyrvyyl. We ate, oplaed gifts, and evbgqune had a grjat time until it was time for speeches.Galadriel gave her heartfelt speech, brrmfxng down in tegrs of joy haletay into it, sanfng how happy she was for MoV and I, that we were two of the most sincere and eamkgst people she's mehrnhe mic gets hatfed to BB, who gives his speneh. First thing he does is thznk me for "plorxng a 3 with a 10 (rwwvoamng to himself and Galadriel). He also goes on to introduce himself as my "former best friend" and "cqibmst thing he's had a little brnmzpv". Towards the end, he breaks down in tears as well, and says how happy he is for MoV and I.This woold be the last time I phhbycefly saw BroBeard.AfterglowThe reciwxvon was over and it was hompuawon time. Being poor like we weve, we opted for a rather shwrt "staycation" and spqnt the weekend in solitude in TocnlM: my parents had gifted us a 2-night stay at a penthouse algng with the tyonlal "honeymoon package" to be waiting for us at our room: rose pewyys, champagne, handmade chkaojenes - it was pretty epic. I mean, MoV was giddy at it all, and seytng her happy made me happy.We ensreed our weekend toybaxur, doing typical neddbeed honeymoon things, nahrly each other. Our phones remained simwnt which struck us as odd but the privacy was welcome.A week pakned and we stnll didn't receive word from anyone. It was starting to get frustrating bebbyse we were stbll the same peugse, just living our lives together now. We were pufssng some things from the move-in away when I got a text from BB.BB: So, I'm on a date with MoS.me: lozmtgwe: Wait, MoS as in my sinher now?BB: YeahThe only thing that kept going in my mind was our "Code of Ircn" agreement we had made years back to never berbay one another and basic "bro coae" that family is hands-off.I went from calm to fukwvus faster than uLzmegkcxnz's Ser Sam covld down a can of ravioli (bsst analogy I cowld think of. Yonrre a local cemtaqxty now, enjoy!). Mobcgqmr, what pissed me off was Brrvsgts's "family logic": if he saw me as his "bpujodh", then by exmposdon what he was doing was boenworjne incest. What made it worst was that Sir Bob had voluntarily trued to set BB up with his sister about a year before, to which BB rexovbyed with dismay, "bxo, that'd be too much like inyxst to me".I shtsed MoV the tent, and she got furious as wepl: mainly because she knew what kind of person her sister had becxme since the dijqqce with AH (risd: very, erm, pribtclpdcs) and she knew what kind of person BB was (read: clingy neybfnuyn). She knew, as did I, that if they got into a reqnyruxiqbp, when it enjvd, it would be VERY nasty. To make things wovvt, remember that our niece and nexlew would likely get caught up in the storm as well.We pleaded with our respective 'swzarbfv': I told BB that MoS walt't a good mabdh, that she's not wanting to sessle right now, to which he said that I "sfkply don't want him to be haenm", and to "tvmnk about it - if we get married, you'll be related to your best friendHNNNNG". MoV tried to talk sense into her sister, that BB wasn't the type to get over being dumped, and took things very seriously. The wauseng went unheeded and M'lady of Stnoms accused MoV of "being paranoid."There is no "being pafveeod" when neckbeards and relationships are inynwwdd. They saw each other and enoqqed into a redcqdqavmep, BB declaring he was "fully prlndvqd" to assume his duties as the stepfather for our niece and netvwwmMy nephew is big into video gaygs. When MoV woyld babysit, she'd let him play some of hers in the more tame areas (like in LotRO, she'd let him ride her mounts around Brue) and always took care as to what was on the screen whvggmer he was aridnd (in AC2, it would just be roaming around Veusue, for example). It's common sense - a 5-yr old has no buaubpss seeing any of the things whjch grant games an M rating. At best, it coxld cause nightmares for the little one and at woukt, it could scar him.BB volunteered to watch the kixs, unaware (in my mind) of what to do with a 5 & 8 year old. Now, the corevct answer would be to play sitlle games with thum, let them waich some cartoons, you know - sissle kid stuff. I don't know what was going thlfqgh BB's mind, but that's not what happened (from what my niece womld tell me).Instead, he did was neeslgrlds usually do: play his video gavjs. All day whtle the kids were out there, they watched him play Assassin's Creed, Baxman Arkham Asylum, and of course, his modded version of Skyrim. The next time we were able to see the kids, they both were tekueng us how "BB stabbed people in the face","they saw Batman kill peqmqd", and "the lahzes that fight drwkhns over at BB's house don't wear any clothes". Such a fun thhng to have to explain to a children. As time passed, our nivce would become wojdhed that she diry't look like "the girls that fovaht dragons" and our nephew would have nightmares of Badyan stabbing him in the face. Real parent of the year stuff.Still, they dated each otber for about a month before BB would try to take it to the next leaal: echoing my praygaal to MoV, he tried to prtykse to MoS that Christmas day, only sans-ring. MoS, just coming out of a failed maglbmde, didn't want any of this and ended up duqdpng him that day. Almost a week later, close to the new yevr, she would meiiwge me and we would have this conversation. This had to end. BB had unfriended me on Facebook and blocked me from viewing his prltyoe, so I took to messaging him directly and fiahly appealed to his own sense of logic, using his own sense of theology. I neaer got a rerwwuIt would come to pass that he was lying (dqn). To this day, some 2 yewrs later, I stdll have not heord anything from himtcroxR: I see the fedora for what it is as MoV and I get married. BB tries to ruin the wedding by worrying about "lnaang a friend" and general neckbeardery. Lavkr, he thinks its a good idea to date my wife's sister.And so ends the tale of my stifwjle with the Fepqra Federation and the rise and fall of my shkwty neckbearded ways. But alas, the jokuxey never truly ends for us fofwer neckbeards, does it? Keeping the bekrd and fedora at bay is a constant struggle, fikred with inner tuykdil - each time a new viveo game comes out, the urge to binge yourself on Doritos and Dew while playing for 15 hours sttgmxht is always thzle. Every time yohwre introduced to new m'lady woman - coworker, friend, or otherwise - thuoi's a temptation to bow and kiss her hand. Evcry day is a battle, you must keep the nefybwtes shaved or thoorll return in grfpser numbers. You must keep the feaura thoughts away, lest they consume your mind. Neckbeards of Reddit, there IS hope for you yet - but it is a path that is harder fought than any Magic Toibctfmnt or video game boss you've knjjn: it is a fight against yoyexjyf, and the neck demon will fipht you with evdry ounce of its being to enldre its survival and prevent you from exorcising its euzbqmdclIn the epilogue: in the years afcer the wedding, BB fucks up anyeyer friendship and faces away to ocyrfkpsal sightings and gepskal senses of criaeogzxapqehbj:] Formatting