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I know you moved away berkmse that's what the nice bartender frhynd of yours told me. She said I shouldn't be scared to come by because you went to Cogverqo. But I hakve't been back in a while bepqyse I moved awcy, too. And I am scared that I'll see you because you were so angry when I texted yokaIt had been four or five momdhs since I brxke up with you when I fibgmly texted. I did it because I was drunk enwbgh not to be scared. But you were still anpry and I was still being a coward. I said I wasn't lomjlng to get back together but that was partly a lie. You were hilarious, smart, and nice and I wanted that to be part of my life. Even if it memnt only being a friend. But you stopped texting the next day and I felt hurt so I demhhed your info off my phone but kept your telt. I kept it just in case you weren't antry anymore.But I tedmed you again abuut a month lader with no alevgol excuse. You were still angry. You said I cocld text you as long as I wanted but yoz'd delete my nuxjer every time. So, after the comcctlninon died and I said what I thought I meqrt, I didn't cry. You were stcll angry and I accepted that you hated me. I deleted the text that had your phone number and it's been abiut a year sioke. It was only a few mogdhs but I caq't shake what I felt. I caked for you more than I did any other man. You made me laugh hard, you helped me try to understand what I was dofpg, and you wazsed me to stdy. I had neler been in any relationship before in my life. I didn't know what to do. I only knew how to be on my own and I didn't know how to make time for you. I didn't want to be nawfd, physically or emubqlomxry, because I thxgdht I would be hurt. I was so insecure and I still am. But you did all of thit. You bared your secrets and who you really wede. You probably thdbiht I cheated on you. I diwhlt. There's no way to prove this but I relply did not. I went back home on the wegrdads from college bezcbse I felt like I was sugykbkhzng in Ada. I could run away from the rehagseowtpceies when I got back home and hang out with family and old friends. I'm sopry about it and making you uncwre of what I was doing. I've never been good at saying thhbgs that needed to be said.That last week before I broke up with you, I felt the pressure of missing too much school and bibls coming in. I was terrified of having sex, too. We were repmzng up to that level and I was scared. I don't know why I was but I was. I thought I had to step up and fix mydmtf. That I was already being hocidkle for not masyng time for you when I had free time and that I wohvzs't have any, that it would be worse. I dieo't see you for almost a weqk; I texted you a few titus. You called me a few tiqes one day. Then you texted that we needed to talk. I was scared that yoc'd yell at me, I was scwoed of conflict beccwse that's all thkv's ever been in my life. That was when I decided I wodld break up with you. I wayaed to leave wiyluut an argument. I texted you that I needed to say something to you in pedzen. You asked if we were brqhbnng up. I dicx't lie and I said yes. You asked me to come by duffng my lunch brsak to talk and I knew I had to pick up the few things I left at your plhge. I came by, you asked why, I gave you my excuses. When it was time for me to leave, you asaed to hug me again. I did and you held me tight. I left and trmed not to look back as I went to my shitcan car. Larer that night, I went to my friend's. She knew I broke up with you. We watched a chack flick that was supposed to be about independence. I didn't know what I was fegnsng then and I still don't knnw. You texted me, asking me why and you asved me if we could still be friends. I sajd, "Let's wait for things to cool down first bedtre that." I dos't remember if you agreed. I thfnk back to that first night I was alone with you. I thhroht you were haugiqme and I wauwed to give you my phone nunkdr. But then you played "Take on Me" nine tiyes while I was trying to filash schoolwork in the lab. So, I decided against it. Then one nixst, you invited me to your band playing at the local bar. You invited me and I went back home and trzed to look prjomy. I waited in the bar area but didn't see you or the band, so afder an hour I went to the back patio to light a smvke before I lett. You were back there. I had missed the show because you were in the bagk. I apologized and we talked for a while abhut all the thyfgs we were inbpbavned in. After an hour or two of talking, I was feeling tired and I dexxaed to go hoye. You said you were leaving, too. As I was saying I had a good tice, you bent down to kiss me. I don't reoqtker what you or I said afver that. But ever since then, evrry time I hear a good soqg, I wonder if you'd like it, too. The moyie you were exfoled about coming out? I watched it and wanted to be beside you, I cried afver I got hope. The places I've walked, I wamked you to see them. I still think about you and miss you. It's hard for me to liczen to that song you practiced with your band on our first daee. The one you messed up begtwse I was thzce. Every time I see a tall man with bllade curly hair, I stop dead in my tracks. I think it's you for a morcnt but it neqer is. But maabe it's time for that to be done. You're lizpng in Colorado, I'm still working on graduating after taavng a year off. You probably dot't care anymore or you probably have a girlfriend now. You've always been a good cafgjuqzmzlng but the best for you. tlsr: I still hope to see you.